19 February 2007

Panic Attacks

Today is a left justified kind of day. For one thing, I somehow find myself moving to Korea. When I say 'somehow find myself' I of course mean that I spent months applying for jobs and planning this move. It seemed like a better idea when it was just an idea, though. Now I'm just over a week away and find myself waking up to measure my suitcases and mailing my college degree to the Korean consulate. So far I've packed a sheet of stickers, a stamp pad and a book of children's poetry.

My doctor told me that I was having panic attacks a couple weeks ago. I described the sensation of a tightened chest from a racing heart, shortness of breath and slight dizziness. 'Panic attacks,' he said. 'Not panicked,' I said. 'Fooling yourself,' he said.

There's so much I planned to do that I'm not sure I'll have time for. What about all that music I intended to burn onto my laptop? What about the fish I planned to make out of construction paper, the photos I planned to print? What about the novel I hoped to write?

What if I measured wrong and my suitcase is too big?

No comments: