20 May 2008

Progress Reports (revised)

Blogger's note/disclaimer: This is the first time I've ever regretted a blog I posted. The original version came out with a tone completely different than what I'd intended. The modifications have been minor, and just to be completely clear: I adore all four of these kids. I wrote this blog to highlight some of the personalities that enliven my life. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.


If I didn't have a boss, or had some kind of ESL kindergarten tenure, my progress reports would read less like "Your child is a pleasure to have in class." and read more like this:

(Not only am I not changing the students' names, but I'm posting photos. So if a parent stumbles across these, there will be no doubt. I might really wish I had tenure at that point.)

Danny is a lively boy and I never have to worry about the classroom ever becoming silent when he is present. He speaks English well, and freely. I am concerned about his disinclination to complete his written work. To be frank, I've seen him crumple up and attempt to eat about as many worksheets as I've seen him finish in a timely manner.



Nancy is often a delightful happy girl. The rest of the time she flies into hysterics when faced with ordeals like having to use a yellow pencil instead of a pink one, or being brushed by a passing classmate. Also, she thinks every day is opposite day. You should probably confirm that your daughter doesn't actually believe that she is a boy and that babies are 'yummy, yummy' when consumed.



Peter is clearly a gifted child. He is one of the best speakers in my class and can read and write very well for his level. He is also gifted with charm and charisma. Somehow, despite having regularly physically assaulted nearly every member of the class, he is still the most popular among my students. Also, I hope he is up on his shots, because he bit me the other day.



Christine's behavior is pretty fair, as is her English. Honestly, I'd have nothing in particular to say about your daughter, other than the usual progress report fall-backs I resort to when I don't have anything else to say, except that when my father visited my class earlier this month she kicked him in the shin. She disrespected my family; now it's personal. Thought you ought to know.

7 comments:

Sarah McBride said...

denice, you kill me.
I would totally do the same thing.

your daughter such and such is a snot faced brat and the second she graduates to first grade I will do the dance of joy...

screw tenure, dont let those brats get away with anything!!

Denice said...

Hmmmm, I think this came off way more bitter than it should have. There's no denying that the kids can be a challenge, but overall they're a challenge I really enjoy. And though I may dance for joy when Friday rolls around, I don't expect I will when they graduate.

Jessica F. said...

I love that you called her a snot! I cannot remember the last time I called anyone that!!! I love you and totally miss you!

skyhawk and kim said...
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skyhawk and kim said...
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Sarah McBride said...

dont regret what you wrote...

it was still funny.

Kristina and Brett said...

i'm sorry i missed the original one. i should check in more often. :)