Sometimes I think that I am pretty cool, but I never really know for sure. I feel the same way about most of my qualities actually, and I don't mind that. I think this state of uncertainty about ourselves is the part of the human experience that makes us socially tolerable to others.
I don't think that I'm a good writer sometimes, though. I always think I'm a good writer. I don't always think that I'm an excellent writer, but that's okay, because at least I know I'm good.
I'm on vacation. I'm not on the kind of vacation where I go somewhere interesting. I'm on the kind of vacation where I don't go anywhere, especially to work. I've also been sick, which makes it an even more restful vacation than I'd anticipated. Mostly I've been sleeping. I'll sleep for a few hours, then wake up and read a little, then sleep for a few more hours, then wake up and read some more.
For several months I've been working on this mammoth Pynchon novel. I'm convinced that I could read a bit of it every day and still never finish it. Marms said that it's the wrong kind of reading for a vacation, so I went to my bookshelf and picked up some Neil Gaiman. Sometimes I say I want to be Bill Bryson when I grow up. It's a lie. I really want to be Neil Gaiman. (No disrespect to Mr. Bryson, who I suspect doesn't follow my blog anyhow.)
In addition to reading the Gaiman novel I've been watching a silly television show and working on my jigsaw puzzle (which has more pieces than my Pynchon novel has pages) and I've been writing. I put my writing project on hold several months ago because I had some time consuming Christmas gifts that needed doing, but I pulled it up this week and I feel more excited about it than I have in a long time. I finally wrote the scene in the post office where Otis meets my favorite character, Lyla K.
Now it's a race between three daunting tasks I've set myself to. Which shall I finish first: the Pynchon, the Puzzle, or the Project?
Experience favors the novel and the jigsaw over poor Otis, and most likely I'll skip all three to watch more television or go back to sleep. It is a new year, though, (or will be tomorrow) which should count for something.